Kerri Pomarolli

Cover

Endorsements

Title Page

Copyright Page

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Introduction: Confession Time

Quiz: Are You a Proverbs 31 or Proverbs 32 Woman?

1. Jazz Class Groupon

2. 22 Minutes

3. My Nine-Year-Old Is Way More Christian Than I Am

4. Fasting, Praying, and Captain Crunch

5. Africa Wrecked Me…Sort Of

6. In Defense of Martha

7. One Is the Loneliest Number

8. I’m Failing First Grade

9. Daddy Issues

10. Dear Diary, Oh Diary

11. The Grass Is Always Greener, Even When It’s Fake

12. My Heart Is Breaking for Hollywood

13. Mean Girls

About the Author

"For Christians who love a bit of sass, this delightful guide poignantly explains how to praise God while accepting the messiness that life brings."—Publisher's Weekly   
  
 God is Crazy About You—Hot Mess and All!   
   
 If you’re anything like Kerri Pomarolli, you’ve read Proverbs 31 and thought, “Who is this woman? And what kind of magic unicorn, Energizer Bunny juice does she have on IV?”  
   
 And you thought social media standards were hard to live up to!   
   
 As a sought-after comedian living in LA, Kerri knows about impossible standards. “I don’t plow, and I don’t rise early. When it says she gathers her food from afar, does that mean takeout…?”  
   
 In Confessions of a Proverbs 32 Woman, Kerri fearlessly shares the messiness of her own life with wit and honesty. Join her as she delves into the struggles of the modern woman tired of trying and failing to live up to Pinterest-looking, air-brushed, and insta-filtered “real life” role models telling her she’s not quite good enough. And learn the two things you can hold onto for longer than your smartphone: genuine self-awareness and humble God-awareness.  
   
 Kerri is a self-proclaimed hot mess for Jesus who has learned that God never said our lives would be mess-less, but He also never intended for us to wallow forever without a way through. When you’re at your most hopeless, God and His Word will meet you there, where you’ll find, as Kerri has, that this #hotmess4Jesus thing really can be the best possible life to live.

__Kerri Pomarolli__ is a writer, comedian, speaker, and the ultimate Proverbs 32 Woman. She tours nationwide with clean comedy at top Christian and secular venues, with film and TV appearances. Known as "Hollywood's Favorite God Girl," she lives with her daughters in LA by the sea. __kerripom.com__

__"For Christians who love a bit of sass, this delightful guide poignantly explains how to praise God while accepting the messiness that life brings."—Publisher's Weekly   
  
 God is Crazy About You—Hot Mess and All!__   
   
 If you're anything like Kerri Pomarolli, you've read Proverbs 31 and thought, "Who is this woman? And what kind of magic unicorn, Energizer Bunny juice does she have on IV?"  
   
 And you thought social media standards were hard to live up to!   
   
 As a sought-after comedian living in LA, Kerri knows about impossible standards. "I don't plow, and I don't rise early. When it says she gathers her food from afar, does that mean takeout…?"  
   
 In Confessions of a Proverbs 32 Woman, Kerri fearlessly shares the messiness of her own life with wit and honesty. Join her as she delves into the struggles of the modern woman tired of trying and failing to live up to Pinterest-looking, air-brushed, and insta-filtered "real life" role models telling her she's not quite good enough. And learn the two things you can hold onto for longer than your smartphone: genuine self-awareness and humble God-awareness.  
   
 Kerri is a self-proclaimed hot mess for Jesus who has learned that God never said our lives would be mess-less, but He also never intended for us to wallow forever without a way through. When you're at your most hopeless, God and His Word will meet you there, where you'll find, as Kerri has, that this #hotmess4Jesus thing really can be the best possible life to live.

"Whenever I need a good belly laugh, a dose of truth, and a dash of inspiration, I turn to Kerri Pomarolli. With this book, Kerri hands us a mirror and a makeup wipe and reminds us we don't have to cover up the real us."  
 —__Tricia Goyer, bestselling author of The Grumble-Free Year__

"Through her comedy, honesty, wit, and vulnerability, Kerri reminds us that God isn't holding a competition for the perfect woman. Kerri leads her readers to discover their own uniqueness in God's image and guides us on an ultra-fun quest of accepting ourselves as God's beautiful creation."  
 —__Dr. Susie Shellenberger, bestselling author and speaker__

"There are only a few authors who can put Patrick Swayze, King David, and Clark Gable in the same paragraph. Kerri Pomarolli is one of them! Kerri writes with warmth, candor, and of course her signature humor."  
 —__Arlene Pellicane, speaker and author of 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom__

"We all want to be that all put-together Proverbs 31 Woman, but life is imperfect. So what do we do on those less-than-perfect days? Read and get encouragement, a laugh, and a lift-up from Kerri and this Proverbs 32 treatise of hope, humor, and help!"  
 —__Pam Farrel, author of Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti__

"Kerri always makes me laugh and feel accepted in my imperfection, and who isn't in need of that? I love this woman and her wild and truthful storytelling."  
 —__Lisa Whittle, author and podcast host of Jesus Over Everything__  
  
 "This book is a must read for anyone who needs a good dose of laughter and Jesus—perfect for any woman who needs a bit more joy and grace in her daily life."  
 —__Kelly Swanson, speaker and host of Fashion Hero__

"You know those times when you are pretty sure you have got this adulting thing all wrong, and you are sure everyone else read a handbook you were never given? Kerri encourages us to embrace the hot mess in all of us. Her words will not only make you laugh but will remind you that you are not alone."  
 —__Melissa d'Arabian, author of Tasting Grace__

"Kerri's 'Type AAA' personality hilariously shines through these pages as she allows us to peer through the smudged window of her chaotic life where faith in God, raw honesty, and vats of Nutella are her weapons of mass destruction against perfectionism. Through raucous anecdotes and totally doable practical applications, she knocks the stuffing out of self-deprecating fault-finding and sets us free to serve the Lord—just as we are."  
 —__T. Faye Griffin, author of Morning Manna__

"This book had me laughing out loud and also wiping away tears as I related with the struggle to measure up to Proverbs 31 standards. Kerri Pomarolli shares her real-life stories with humor and a hunger to follow Jesus, seeking imperfect progress rather than faking perfection."  
 —__Melissa Spoelstra, speaker and Bible teacher__

"If comedy doesn't come from a place of truth, the funny exits stage right. And it's Kerri's unabashed honesty that makes her book so wonderful! When you find yourself in this book, you'll be encouraged that you're not alone in this chaotic but glorious journey."  
 —__Dan Rupple, CEO, Mastermedia International__

"Kerri hilariously and inspirationally exposes the pretending we all know exists—in the church, in our culture, and in us."  
 —__Drew Marshall, host of The Drew Marshall Show__

"This is the best book I've been asked to endorse this week and I'm not just saying that so Kerri will stop texting me about the endorsement. This book drives home the important fact that you can love your life because God loves you. If more people can catch on to this book's point (and surprisingly it does have one), we'd all be free to go out and love on other people."  
 —__Bob Smiley, comedian__

"I never knew I could laugh so hard and learn so much about myself at the same time. Kerri's story is a breath of fresh air."  
 —__LaDonna Gatlin, CSP, CPAE__

"This book is a must read for anyone who needs a good dose of laughter and Jesus—perfect for any woman who needs a bit more joy and grace in her daily life."  
 —__Kelly Swanson, speaker and host of Fashion Hero__

"The book of the year!"  
 —__Kerri's mom, Barbara__

"This book is for everyone who believes in Jesus—and a little Botox. Kerri writes with an authenticity that is rarely found today. She is heartwarming, relatable, vulnerable, relevant, and fearless as she shares her journey."  
 —__Susannah Eldridge, writer for Summer Sisters__

"Laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Maybe it's because I've birthed three babies, but this book is pretty funny. Okay seriously, it's not just funny—it's moving, it's real, and it made me cry. But then again, that might be my hormones. Either way, you should read it and judge for yourself."  
 —__Claire Lee, television writer__

"Settle in and get ready for some real talk. If you've ever read Proverbs 31 and felt like a failure, you are now about to feel like the queen of the world."  
 —__Tam Hodge, author, speaker, and coach__

"Kerri brings the reader right inside the everyday moments that make us who we are. She shows us a loving, understanding God, who's laughing with us while loving us."  
 —__Lynn Rose, actress, speaker, and recording artist__

"No matter what your stage of life, you will relate to Kerri's musings about a God who is crazy about you…just the way you are."  
 —__Nancy Stafford, actress, speaker, and author__

"Kerri destroys me. So funny. She has the ability like no other to relate to the common person. I so enjoyed when my assistant read it to me."  
 —__Tim Hawkins, comedian__

"Kerri has a knack for connecting with the reader. The real-world tips she gives on how to have a better connection to God are priceless."  
 —__Mimi Brown, motivational speaker, author, and coach__

"Having performed with Kerri, I know how her quick wit and talent can jump right into the hearts of the audience. Her writing is no different! Her humor and honesty about herself and her faith will jump right off these pages and into your hearts."  
 —__Bonnie Bailey-Reed, television actress__

"In a polished world of likes and filters, Kerri keeps it real."  
 —__Tricia Lott Williford, author of You Can Do This and Just. You. Wait.__

"This book makes a great guide for the woman trying to have it all. It also works well as a coaster."  
 —__Kristin Weber, author of The Smart Girls' Guide to God, Guys, and the Galaxy__

"Buckle up and be prepared to belly laugh. You will nod and chuckle your way through every page, and best of all discover that God is not dependent on your perfection to be crazy about you."  
 —__Laurie Polich Short, speaker and author of When Changing Nothing Changes Everything__

"If you have ever given birth, I highly recommend wearing an adult diaper while reading this because you might pee a little from laughing."  
 —__Sabrina Schlesinger, host of Parenting on the Go podcast__

"Authentic and intensely honest. This is the perfect book for those who are ready and willing to rip the band-aid off the facade of perfection."  
 —__Mylin Brooks-Stoddard, actress and recording artist__

"Kerri leads the reader to the Lord with laughter and shares the Truth about the One whose peace is deeper than the dress size you want."  
 —__Zo Rachel, media commentator and drummer__

"Honest accounts of a talented, kind of famous, Christian woman in Hollywood, who does not have it all together, but will make you laugh, cry, dive deeper into God's word, and embrace—maybe even love—the real you!"  
 —__Kirstin Leigh, speaker, singer, and author of Change Your Story__

"Kerri's book is like looking at carnival fun house mirrors! It's filled with her funny anecdotes about how we see ourselves and also gives practical advice on navigating our crazy lives as women and moms."  
 —__Larissa Lam, television and radio host, recording artist__

"This book brings hope to the hurting and lots of laughter to the losses of life. I love it—and you've left me wanting more!"  
 —__Cyndi Franklin, pastor, Cornerstone Fresno__

"In this book you really get the sense that Kerri wants to encourage you and uplift you, and that she's never been on a yacht."  
 —__Angela Hoover, celebrity impressionist on America's Got Talent__

"Kerri's use of Biblical women to help illustrate the age-old demands of being female helps us realize we are not alone on this journey, and we can find joy and laughter in its trials."  
 —__Elizabeth McCormick, motivational speaker and former Black Hawk pilot__

"She's Carol Burnett and Lucille Ball's southern step sister. Unafraid, unapologetic, inspiring, and wickedly funny, Kerri Pomerolli has written a book for the rest of us to bask in our messiness and realize that is right where God loves us."  
 —__Marlo Blanford, pastor, Westside Vineyard Church__

"Whenever I need a good belly laugh, a dose of truth, and a dash of inspiration, I turn to Kerri Pomarolli. With this book, Kerri hands us a mirror and a makeup wipe and reminds us we don't have to cover up the real us."  
 —__Tricia Goyer, bestselling author of The Grumble-Free Year__

"Through her comedy, honesty, wit, and vulnerability, Kerri reminds us that God isn't holding a competition for the perfect woman. Kerri leads her readers to discover their own uniqueness in God's image and guides us on an ultra-fun quest of accepting ourselves as God's beautiful creation."  
 —__Dr. Susie Shellenberger, bestselling author and speaker__

"There are only a few authors who can put Patrick Swayze, King David, and Clark Gable in the same paragraph. Kerri Pomarolli is one of them! Kerri writes with warmth, candor, and of course her signature humor."  
 —__Arlene Pellicane, speaker and author of 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Mom__

"We all want to be that all put-together Proverbs 31 Woman, but life is imperfect. So what do we do on those less-than-perfect days? Read and get encouragement, a laugh, and a lift-up from Kerri and this Proverbs 32 treatise of hope, humor, and help!"  
 —__Pam Farrel, author of Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti__

"Kerri always makes me laugh and feel accepted in my imperfection, and who isn't in need of that? I love this woman and her wild and truthful storytelling."  
 —__Lisa Whittle, author and podcast host of Jesus Over Everything__

"You know those times when you are pretty sure you have got this adulting thing all wrong, and you are sure everyone else read a handbook you were never given? Kerri encourages us to embrace the hot mess in all of us. Her words will not only make you laugh but will remind you that you are not alone."  
 —__Melissa d'Arabian, author of Tasting Grace__

"Kerri's 'Type AAA' personality hilariously shines through these pages as she allows us to peer through the smudged window of her chaotic life where faith in God, raw honesty, and vats of Nutella are her weapons of mass destruction against perfectionism. Through raucous anecdotes and totally doable practical applications, she knocks the stuffing out of self-deprecating fault-finding and sets us free to serve the Lord—just as we are."  
 —__T. Faye Griffin, author of Morning Manna__

"This book had me laughing out loud and also wiping away tears as I related with the struggle to measure up to Proverbs 31 standards. Kerri Pomarolli shares her real-life stories with humor and a hunger to follow Jesus, seeking imperfect progress rather than faking perfection."  
 —__Melissa Spoelstra, speaker and Bible teacher__

In Confessions of a Proverbs 32 Woman, comedian Kerri Pomarolli takes aim at the impossible standards placed on modern women and shares the only two things we all need. God didn't promise an easy-life, but He did promise to be with you in the mess!

Confessions of a Proverbs 32 Woman

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