__She couldn't believe it. There she was with her medical qualifications sitting on the floor of a mental hospital. She'd been baptized, offered her life to God, wanted to serve him anywhere, but no, surely not this...__  
  
Sharon Hastings is absolutely passionate about helping anyone who suffers from 'severe and enduring mental illness' (SEMI): schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and schizoaffective disorder. She wants the church to know all about these illnesses: how they devastate ordinary people and how they need to be treated. By telling her story, warts and all, showing her own tortuous, painful journey, she equips us to come alongside loved ones, fellow church members, friends and neighbours, understanding the social and spiritual ramifications of their illnesses, including them in our activities (where appropriate) and encouraging their spiritual growth.  
  
  
A natural storyteller, the author draws us in. We journey with her as she shares deeply. With wisdom, kindness and the heart of a bruised survivor, she interweaves her exceptional story with vital teaching which cannot be ignored by anyone within the church today.

Sharon Hastings

Preface and acknowledgments

Introduction

Deep joy

Too numb to pray

Wrestling with thoughts of darkness

The symphonies have lost their colour

Wrestling with low mood

‘I want to go home’

Wrestling with my loss of freedom

Throwing the bouquet in the bin

Wrestling with my identity

A case too complex to treat

Wrestling with rejection

He wants me back

Wrestling with God

Sighing out my bitterness

Wrestling with despair

Too alive

Wrestling with suicidal thoughts

Aftercare. At last

Wrestling with my body

More than well

Wrestling with mania

Support for my application

Wrestling with the General Medical Council

The network in the fourth dimension

Wrestling with psychosis

A complicated little creature

Wrestling, with fresh hope

This doesn’t feel like ‘friends’

Wrestling with risk

It’s not your average relationship

Wrestling with first love

Even there your hand will guide

Wrestling, with acceptance

Epilogue

Appendix 1 Frequently asked questions

Appendix 2 Useful contacts and resources

Notes

About the author

She couldn't believe it. There she was with her medical qualifications sitting on the floor of a mental hospital. She'd offered her life to God, wanted to serve him anywhere, but no, surely not this...  
  
Sharon Hastings is absolutely passionate about helping anyone who suffers from 'severe and enduring mental illness' (SEMI): schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and schizoaffective disorder. She wants the church to know all about these illnesses: how they devastate ordinary people and how they need to be treated. By telling her story, warts and all, showing her own tortuous, painful journey, she equips us to come alongside loved ones, fellow church members, friends and neighbours, understanding the social and spiritual ramifications of their illnesses, including them in our activities (where appropriate) and encouraging their spiritual growth.  
  
A natural storyteller, the author draws us in. We journey with her. With wisdom, kindness and the heart of a bruised survivor, she interweaves her exceptional story with vital teaching which simply cannot be ignored by anyone within the church today.

\["A first-hand account for anyone struggling with mental illness","Sharon Hastings offers the kind of perspective that brings hope","You'll find ways of finding or offering support with mental illness"\]

  
Introduction: Deep joy  
1 Too numb to pray - Wrestling with thoughts of darkness  
2 The symphonies have lost their colour - Wrestling with low mood  
3 I want to go home - Wrestling with my loss of freedom  
4 Throwing the bouquet in the bin - Wrestling with my identity  
5 A case too complex to treat - Wrestling with rejection  
6 He wants me back - Wrestling with God  
7 Sighing out my bitterness - Wrestling with despair  
8 Too alive - Wrestling with suicidal thoughts  
9 Aftercare. At last - Wrestling with my body  
10 More than well - Wrestling with mania  
11 Support for my application - Wrestling with the General Medical Council  
12 The network of the fourth dimension - Wrestling with psychosis  
13 A complicated little creature - Wrestling, with fresh hope  
14 This doesn't feel like 'friends' - Wrestling with risk  
15 It's not your average relationship - Wrestling with first love  
16 Even there your hand will guide - Wrestling, with acceptance  
Epilogue  
Appendix 1 FAQs  
Appendix 2 Useful contacts and resources  
End notes

In this remarkable book, Sharon Hastings unfolds with unflinching honesty the devastating effects of severe mental illness on her life and hopes. A qualified doctor, she tells of the heartbreaking loss of being unable to practice her profession. Her medical knowledge adds an extra layer of poignancy to the narrative. And as a Christian, she testifies to the particular spiritual challenges presented by the relentless attacks on her mind. To a reader who has not suffered mental illness, the book is revelatory, and even shocking. Fed by Scripture, enormous courage, and above all the love of Christ, it is a victory for hope in the midst of darkness, a unique and profound work of spirituality, and in the end, a deeply moving love story. - Gordon McConville, Professor of Old Testament Theology, University of Gloucestershire

Mental health, and mental illness, is one of the most frequently discussed topics in the church, and what Sharon writes, and the approach she uses, are very useful. - Professor Andrew Sims

With courageous humility, Sharon Hastings has given us a rare privilege: sharing the experience of a Christian with mental illness. Her story is honest, at times heart-rending, but eventually hopeful. This book will pass on that hope to many struggling Christians who can easily feel excluded and forgotten. It will also equip the church better to understand and care for those who appear to be the weaker members of the body - but upon whom God has bestowed greater honour. Read this book, witness living faith, and see why God esteems those weakened through mental ill-health. - Dr Andrew Collins, consultant psychiatrist and biblical counsellor

What an incredible story and what an incredible woman… Severe mental illness is a difficult and painful topic, but Sharon writes with immense courage and clarity about her experiences. Writing from both a personal and a clinical perspective, she offers a unique insight into depression, bipolar, EDNOS and schizoaffective disorder. I was inspired, challenged and profoundly moved by her story - and you will be too. Raw and powerful, this is a book that demands to be read. - Emma Scrivener

It is a strange truth that when people generalise how to handle suffering they often compound it; but when people relate the specifics of their own suffering, they give untold confidence and inspiration to others, even when in very different circumstances. Sharon Hastings’ story is heartbreaking but very powerful. It is a bravely honest testimony to the goodness of God, the vital support of loving friends, and the resilience and perseverance of a remarkable person. To be invited to walk alongside her during some of the darkest periods of her life is a rare privilege indeed. - Mark Meynell, speaker, trainer, author and blogger

Wrestling With My Thoughts is an extraordinary book. From depression to eating disorders to mania to psychosis, Sharon Hastings has experienced a vast amount of mental illness and invites us into her story with almost excruciating honesty.

It's also a painful read. I had to stop several times to process the things I had read. But it is also a deeply needed book. Sharon writes from a unique perspective as not only someone with mental illnesses, but also as a medical professional. It is a perspective which is incredibly helpful, meaning that we are brought into the story on a personal level with Sharon, but are also educated about the illnesses themselves. Sharon is very honest about the treatments she received, and highlights the importance of help while also admitting its shortcomings.

One of the difficult but wonderful things about this book is the fact that it doesn't have an easy or a happy ending. Sharon has continuing struggles, as we all do. However, it is a glorious picture of God holding on to a dearly beloved child, even as he allows incredibly hard things to happen to her. He remains faithful, forgiving and good throughout it all, and it is a beautiful to thing to read about Sharon's return to him. It is a story of incredible humbling, and one about accepting the life that God has for each of us, no matter if it's the one we expected or not. - Ruth van den Broek, blogger

Sharon’s story is raw and compelling. It engenders hope that true grace can be found in the midst of deep suffering. Her battle with mental illness has been characterised by a gritty perseverance which forms real character. As she testifies herself, this is made possible by the fact that she is being held by God even when all seems lost. This book can be of much help to believers who struggle with the shame and stigma of profound mental disorder. It provides wise advice for churches seeking to respond well to those who are afflicted with severe psychological conditions. It is to the immense benefit of others that Sharon has been able to bravely recount her journey, and that her intense internal wrestling has not been in vain. - Dr Ken Yeow

Journey with the author as she shares an honest account of her own experience of mental illness and be equipped to come alongside others

Dr Sharon Hastings is passionate about creating greater awareness of what it's like to live with severe mental illness: she has schizoaffective disorder and she's always striving to increase understanding and hope while reducing misinformation and stigma. As an ambassador for MindWise and Rethink, she has met with MPs at Westminster to discuss the effects of welfare reform on those with mental health issues. When at medical school, she organized events to educate university staff about eating disorders and ran an email advice line for students. A lover of music, the sea and books, she lives with her husband, Rob, two dogs and a one-eyed cat in the beautiful seaside town of Newcastle, Northern Ireland.

J Young

I found this book incredibly helpful and insightful. This is not a self-help book; it is a story of a Christian who is working through mental health issues but I found it really helpful, not least because of the clear explanations of medical terms and treatment. This is not an easy read, but I know so many people that are struggling and it opened my eyes a bit more as to how to be a better friend as well as have more of an idea about my own mental health struggles. Well worth a read!

Thoroughly good book

Wrestling With My Thoughts

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